


Though I Tried To Hide It

by Loor



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-07
Updated: 2013-05-07
Packaged: 2017-12-10 17:49:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loor/pseuds/Loor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lauren despises Matt Smith. And the feeling is completely mutual. Or that is what they both think. It turns out things are not as they seem.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Though I Tried To Hide It

**Author's Note:**

> First Matt Smith story. Dedicated to the wonderful [vastlyunknown](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vastlyunknown/profile). Thanks for the béta-ing, darling!

Just as Lauren was about to start watching the latest episode of Criminal Minds, a loud knock on the backdoor made her jump in surprise. “It’s open!” she yelled, not bothering to pull her attention away from the TV. She had gotten back from Cambridge late last night and had set her mind on spending the first day of her vacation doing absolutely nothing productive. 

Despite her lazy promise to herself, Lauren couldn’t help but wonder whether Karen had been expecting someone. She couldn’t remember her friend saying anything about it when she left for work this morning. But then again, that didn’t have to mean anything. Karen was a mess when it came to organization and it wouldn’t be the first time she forgot to tell Lauren about a plumber, a painter, the cleaning lady coming over. Which is precisely why Lauren made a conscious decision to sit up a little straighter and combed a hand through her unruly hair, silently hoping Karen didn’t forget to tell her she was expecting someone. With her luck, it would be a guy hot as hell, while she looked like she tumbled straight out of bed after a really bad night.

“Surprise, Kaz!”

Lauren groaned when she recognized the voice coming from the kitchen. With a sigh she slumped back down into the comfort of the couch. The last person in the world she wanted to see on a lazy afternoon had just entered Karen’s house.

Her sentiment seemed to be shared, because as soon as the unwanted visitor entered the living room and noticed Lauren sitting on the couch, the smile faded from his face and a groan very similar to Lauren’s escaped his lips. His expression of surprise and disappointment for seeing Lauren again, however, was quickly replaced by a smirk as Matt Smith called to her, “Wow, seems like someone hasn’t showered yet today! Should I be glad I didn’t yet smell you when I came in?”

‘Of course that is your first comment,’ Lauren thought. “Asshole.” She voiced her opinion quietly, but just loud enough for Matt to hear.

Matt didn’t seem particularly bothered by the accusation, as his smirk only grew wider. “Takes one to know one!” he said in a sing-song tone of voice close to Lauren’s ear as he passed her and plopped down on the couch, pushing off her feet in the process.

“Seriously?” Lauren replied through gritted teeth. She didn’t want to give in to Matt’s pestering. She really didn’t. She wanted to have a nice, quiet, problem-free afternoon. But despite the fact that Matt had entered only minutes ago, she had a hard time keeping calm already. Matt just had this way of getting on her last nerve rapidly. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Matt’s answer was accompanied by puppy dog eyes and a pout. The perfect portrayal of an innocent, charming young boy. Lauren was sure that if she hadn’t known any better, she would have fallen for it. But that time had long passed, she learned quite some time ago that Matt was far from charming. Or at least to her.

The look on Matt’s face reminded Lauren of the night she had met him for the first time. Together with a few friends she had thrown a surprise party for Karen’s 24th birthday. Karen had been delighted with the party and had insisted that Lauren should meet Matt, because, as she had stated several times that evening in declining states of sobriety, they would make an amazing couple. Karen’s words, not Lauren’s.

After all the stories Lauren had heard from Karen, she was more than willing to meet the infamous Matt Smith. And at first, Lauren had been obligated to agree with Karen. Not about the fact that they would make an amazing couple, because she would never admit such a thought out loud. But definitely about the fact that Matt was a wonderful guy. Polite, funny and charming. And she had no trouble at all to understand why girls all over the world swooned over the eleventh Doctor. He wasn’t model-like pretty, but he had this flair about him that made him handsome. Attractive even. And the fact that he was an incredible actor didn’t hurt his case either.

Things had been great for a while. As Lauren was on a break from her life at Uni in Cambridge, she had plenty of time to spend with Karen. And as Karen always seemed to be working these days, spending time with her more often than not had meant spending time with Matt. And the more they hung out, the more Lauren had felt that Karen might have been a lot more intuitive and a lot less drunk that first night than Lauren had given her credit for. Friends becoming lovers, the more time she had spend with Matt, the better it had sounded to Lauren. 

But before she ever got a chance to see her plan become reality, things had begun to change. Matt had started to change. Suddenly he was always busy when Lauren came to spend time on set and he definitely did not have time to hang out after work. Whenever they did spend time together, he was rude and impolite. By the time Lauren left for Cambridge again, he had become insufferable. 

Lauren had tried her hardest to not let it get to her, but of course it did. Because she didn’t understand why he did this to her. To Karen, Arthur, their friends, he was still the same old Matt. She heard nothing but fun stories from Karen while she was in Cambridge. But whenever she showed up in the same place as Matt, he just spend his time ignoring or annoying her. 

Lauren liked Matt, could have even grown to love him if given the chance. But that was the Matt she had been introduced to all that time ago. The charming young man the outside world knew, the hilarious guy that Karen got to spend time with. The current Matt? Him she preferred to see only on TV. 

A rather painful shove against her calves brought Lauren back to reality. She looked up to find Matt nudging her legs. “Earth to Lauren, earth to Lauren,” he spoke. “Get out of your head, you look like a moron just staring into space like that. Also, I asked you a question and it is pretty rude not to answer people’s questions!”

“Again: seriously?” Lauren replied. She silently told herself again that she really shouldn’t be bothered this easily, but with every few words Matt spoke she just seemed to get frustrated more. She wished they could just have a normal conversation again for once, but that seemed too much to ask for. She tried to bite her tongue. She managed to keep quiet for a second or two, but when she realized Matt was still staring at her, apparently waiting for a serious answer, she couldn’t keep quiet anymore. “I cannot believe you!” she practically exploded in Matt’s face. “You don’t bother to answer me, but you insist I answer you? When all you’ve been doing since you walked in is insult me? Well here’s an answer for you: fuck you, Matt Smith!”

For a moment Lauren thought she saw something change in Matt’s expression. A split second it seemed like her anger got to him, almost as if hurt could be seen in his eyes. But the moment was gone so soon Lauren knew she had to have imagined it. It wasn’t like Matt cared about her feelings. Or at least not anymore. 

She got proven right when a playful grin appeared on Matt’s lips. “No, I’d rather not, thank you very much!”

The answer caught Lauren off guard and it took a moment or two to sink in. It were those few seconds that saved Matt from getting punched in the face. Because just as Lauren realized what he had insinuated and was about to start yelling at him, a voice called from the kitchen. “Hey Lauren, I’m home!” 

“Living room!” Lauren shouted back. She wondered if Karen could hear the relief in her voice. Not that she really cared. She was just happy about no longer having to be alone with Matt.

Karen seemed to be taken slightly aback when she walked into the living room to find two of her best friends on the couch together. She looked back and forth between the two for a moment, clearly trying to judge the situation. Seemingly thinking no harm was done, she went for a happy “Oh, hey Matt! I didn’t know you were coming over today!” while pulling the guy in a hug. Matt returned her hug with a cheerful greeting of his own. Lauren couldn’t help but be impressed by how fast he switched from annoying to charming. She again had to admit to herself Matt was definitely a good actor.

Karen plopped down in the tiny space that was left between Matt and Lauren after she released Matt from her hug. Lauren silently wondered if she had chosen the spot on purpose, to keep the peace between her friends. Before she could give it anymore thought, however, Karen wanted to know, “So, what did I miss? I’m glad to see you didn’t kill each other yet!”

“Why would we do that?” 

Lauren couldn’t help herself, she had bend her body to look past Karen. Matt did not only sound, but also looked genuinely surprised. She narrowed her eyes at him, wondering what he was up to. “Why are you giving me that look? Don’t do that, you look like you need glasses. And those are for cool people, so that would be a problem.”

“Oh well, it was fun while it lasted I guess.” Karen sighed heavily and Lauren could tell that she was praying for her friends to get along for just this once. For just a few moments.

“Don’t worry, Kazza. I won’t scratch his eyes out,” Lauren promised. She stayed silent for a moment, and then added, “Not while you are watching at least.” 

Karen opened her mouth to comment, but Lauren was quicker. “Don’t bother. Whatever you are going to say, it’s not going to change the fact that Matt is an asshole who clearly can’t stand me. But I’ll be the bigger person here and leave. Just let me know when he is gone.” 

Without another word, Lauren got up from the couch. She stopped just long enough to put on some shoes and a coat and to grab her purse and tablet. She didn’t bother looking back and therefore completely missed the look on Matt’s face. The man looked shocked and hurt as he watched Lauren walk out the door.

-X-

Lauren briefly glanced up from the tablet in her lap when she felt someone sit down next to her. She would groan in annoyance, but her body didn’t feel like it could bring up the effort anymore, so she settled for a sigh instead, before focusing on the screen in her lap again.

“I brought you coffee.” 

Lauren had to bite her tongue when the smell of a caramel latte with a hint of cinnamon – her favorite – filled her nostrils, but she managed to stay quiet. She refuses to give Matt her attention just because he brought her favorite coffee. He had taken up enough of her time already. 

“Look, I’m an idiot, okay? And I’m sorry.”

Again, Lauren had to try her hardest to stay quiet. This time her reaction had nothing to do with the coffee, but everything with the fact that she wanted to yell in his face that ‘yes, he was an idiot.’ Somehow, however, she couldn’t bring herself to ruin Matt’s good guy reputation in the middle of a public park. She had done a lot of thinking in the time between leaving the house and the current moment and she had come to the conclusion that the reason she got so aggravated with Matt all the time was that she hoped that wonderful guy she had been introduced to once upon a time was still in there somewhere. In fact, she knew he was still in there underneath all the insults, she just hoped she would get to see him again someday. So instead of yelling she closed her eyes and took in a long, deep breath. She wondered if Matt really thought bringing her coffee would solve their problems.

“Lauren, please, I-”

“Oh my god! Sophie, look, that’s Matt Smith!” From the corner of her eye Lauren saw Matt stiffen when two young girls quickly approached the bench they were sitting on. “Hi! Sorry to bother you, but we just love Doctor Who. You’re amazing, totally our favorite Doctor! If you don’t mind, can we please get a picture with you?” Lauren knew Matt well enough to know that taking pictures was the last thing he wanted to do at this moment. But she also knew that he’d smile for their picture, be friendly enough to sign an autograph or two. Because that was the way the outside world knew Matt Smith. Polite, friendly, the perfect son in law. 

Seeing Matt like this made Lauren wonder again. She wondered why he couldn’t be like that to her, why things couldn’t be like they started between the two of them anymore. She wondered why Matt was even there right now and what he thought to accomplish with it. Then she decided that she really shouldn’t care. It wasn’t like Matt cared about her, so why should she care about him? 

She realized she had no reason to stay, as she did not want to hear what Matt had come here to say. So before she could change her mind again, Lauren quickly got up. She stuffed her tablet in her purse and started walking away without another word. Behind her she heard Matt quickly apologizing for being rude and leaving so soon – ‘typical,’ she thought, ‘to them he apologizes.’ Then footsteps were quickly stomping behind her and before she knew what was happening, a hand closing around her wrist abruptly stopped her from walking any further. 

“Let go of me!” Lauren hissed. Her eyes darted around the park to see if anyone was watching them, but it started getting late and the park was mostly deserted. The only other people around were the two girls Matt had been talking to and they walking in the opposite direction, far enough not to hear any conversation that might be going on.

“Lauren, I just want to talk to you for a moment, I-“

“I said let go!” 

“Five minutes. Just give me five minutes.” Matt was pleading with her now.

Slowly Lauren looked up at Matt. She almost immediately regretted her decision. It wasn’t just his voice, his entire stance was almost as if he wouldn’t survive if she walked out on him again. Looking back down at his hand around her wrists, she huffed. It frustrated her that she was going to let Matt win yet another argument. “Fine,” she practically growled, “Five minutes and not a second longer.”

“Thank you.” The words made Lauren look up at him again, quirking an eyebrow. When did Matt Smith become polite to her? He wasn’t going to tell her he was dying or something awful, now was he? Or was that charming man not buried as deep as she had thought? She decided not to question his motives. The man was on the clock after all. 

“Uhm, could we maybe go somewhere a bit more private?” Lauren’s stomach tightened further at the words. The thought that he just wanted to talk to her without getting interrupted because of his famous face didn’t even struck her. She just wondered what could be so god awful that he couldn’t just tell her right here and right now. She couldn’t even bring herself to scold him for wasting her time. Instead she silently nodded and dragged him along, as he was still holding her wrist, albeit a lot more gently than before.

They ended up at a small café not far down the road. The place was deserted at this time of day and Lauren quickly ordered a latte for her and a tea for Matt. Matt blushed at the barista quirked an eyebrow at the cup in his hand and Lauren couldn’t hide a smile as she realized this was the place where Matt had gotten the drink he had offered her earlier. The older woman looked between the two of them, but didn’t say anything when she handed them their order.

“Five minutes,” Lauren reminded Matt when they sat down at a table in the far corner of the room. Matt nodded in understanding, as silence fell between them. 

Four fifty. Four fourty-nine. Four fourty-eight. Lauren found herself counting off the seconds in her head. She tried to be determined and stand her ground with Matt for once. Whatever it was he wanted to tell her, five minutes was all he was getting.

“Look, Lauren, I’m sorry, okay. I know I’ve been an asshole to you. It’s just…” Matt sighed, combed his hand through his hair nervously. Lauren could tell he was looking for the right words. She barely held in a sigh of her own, already feeling her determination crumble, already knowing this was going to take longer than the five minutes she had given him. 

“I’m… This is… It’s just… No, that’s not true, it’s not júst something…” Another sigh. “It is what I do. When I really like someone. A girl. I get rude, impolite, annoying. When I really like a girl I build this wall around me. I become an idiot. I don’t really know why. I guess I’m scared of getting hurt. I hope that if I build a wall, if I… If I treat her badly, it won’t hurt as much when she doesn’t return my feelings.” 

Matt fell silent. He was clearly waiting for a response, but all Lauren could do was stare at him in shock. In the back of her mind she knew her mouth was hanging open, but she couldn’t help herself. Was he really saying what she thought he was saying? Or was she reading into his words too much?

“Lauren?” Just one word that rolled of Matt’s tongue, but it managed to snap Lauren out of her trance-like state. Mostly. “You… I… Are you saying…” she spluttered. Thoughts were swirling through her head. So many questions. Was she really not misunderstanding him? Was he serious? Was she getting her hopes up for nothing? She eventually settled for, “So does it? Does it hurt less?”

“Not one bit,” Matt confessed as a sad smile graced his face. “I curse myself every time I insult you. I inwardly yell at myself to behave like a man, a normal man the next time I see you. Somehow it seems I can never get my brain to remember. So instead of feeling better it just hurts. It hurts to see you walk away from me. It hurts to see your smile falter.” 

“So you… You like me?” Lauren asked. ‘Back,’ she finished the sentence in her mind. She couldn’t bring herself to say that out loud though. Not yet. Part of her was relieved, delighted that Matt wasn’t telling her something awful. But a tiny part of her was still careful, wondering if he wasn’t playing a joke on her.

It was clearly the first part, the hopefulness, that took control of her voice, as Matt finally looked up at her with a smile. “Of course I do!” he said. “What’s not to like, you goof?”

“I’m in Cambridge most of the year. I don’t know anything about your world of glamour and glitter. I watch too much TV and don’t do any sports. Also, I’m not a blonde 6 foot supermodel, but quite the opposite.” Lauren knew she was rambling, but she couldn’t help herself. It was as if Matt’s confession brought up all her insecurities at once. “There are millions of girls swooning over you all over the world,” she continued. “I’m sure you can find someone better than me. Someone who doesn’t live hours away. Someone who looks good on the red carpet.”

“Okay, listen very carefully now, cause I’m going to say this only once and you bloody well hear it. I like you. You, Lauren. No one else. You are the one that is on my mind all day and right before I go to bed at night. Remember that time when I told you that you were just like me when I was a kid, before I went to play soccer and made new friends? How I got bullied and beaten up because I was the loner, the weird kid that would rather spend his time playing pretend, talking to himself instead of to other people?” Lauren nodded in silence. Matt sounded like her comments, her insecurity, frustrated him. Also, she was rather enjoying his declaration and didn’t want him to stop. 

“It was meant as an insult at the time, but it was also a secret. Not even Kaz knows that about me. I could have taken it back, but I didn’t. Because I trust you completely. I want you to be the one I tell all my secrets to. And it might not have seemed like it, but since the day Karen introduced us, I can’t even fathom what life was like before I met you. I don’t care that you live in Cambridge. I’m not looking for a supermodel, I just want a girl who I can fall in love with. And I am a complete and total git for behaving so stupid and for waiting so long to tell you how I feel. But I’m telling you right now, right here. I like you, Lauren Elizabeth Tanner. With every breath and every fiber of my being. I. Like. You. Got it?”

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” Matt frowned and Lauren could practically hear him think, wonder if this was everything he was going to get. She couldn’t hide a smile any longer. “Well, more than okay,” she confessed. “Although I might not believe it until you show me how you feel.” 

Lauren’s tone was teasing, but Matt perfectly understood that she meant every word of it. The grin that appeared on his face was full of relief, happiness, and a bit of love. She felt like she could stare at it all night. But then again, maybe those lips were cut out for other, even better things than just smiling. 

And she wasn’t proven wrong. Because when Matt leaned over the table, when their lips touched, she knew. There were no fireworks going off above their heads, there no butterflies partying in her stomach. But the chills this kiss gave her let her know that it was good. This was right. This was it. And maybe it wasn’t love, not yet, but it was a start. The start of something beautiful.


End file.
